Why I Hate The Tooth Fairy And The Vikings

The entire time I was cursing the Vikings and their stupid tradition of paying their children for their teeth. I was wondering why we couldn’t be more like Europeans, bury the tooth, and on the 6th tooth (and 6th tooth only in my book) slip the money under his pillow.


Before going into why I started to hate the tooth fairy after a late night trip to Walgreen’s, let’s start off with a little bit of history about who the Tooth Fairy is and how she (or he) became who they are today.

According to Wikipedia (because we can believe all things that are on the internet) in Europe, it was custom to bury a tooth that was lost by a child. After the 6th tooth had been lost, it was then customary for parents to slip money under a child’s pillow.

In the Middle Ages, however, superstitions surrounding children’s teeth were apparently all the rage. To save a child from hardship in the afterlife, children in Europe were told to burn their teeth. If they didn’t, well they would spend eternity searching for them in the afterlife. Scandinavian warriors put their children’s teeth on a string around their neck. Witches, however, were believed to have the total power of the child in medieval Europe if they were to get a hold of a tooth.

In modern history, however, the Chicago Daily Tribune in 1908 put out a gripping story saying that tooth fairy would leave a gift, giving mothers a great reason to visit the 5 cent counter. This provides us with the modern-day tooth fairy.

But it was the Vikings who paid their children for their teeth. Which if I am sure if my kid knew that he was going to get paid for his tooth, it wouldn’t have stayed in for as long as it did and that late night trip to Walgreen’s could have been avoided.

To start out, we were in the back row of Lowe’s looking at carpet like most good stories start out right? Noticing that my son’s mouth is bleeding my beautiful wife looks in to find his loose tooth barely hanging on. She gives it one good wiggle, and it pops out.

Where was I, the dad, in all of this? I was three aisles down looking at a new air compressor¬†because I didn’t want to have anything to do with this. It’s my belief that teeth, along with bones should stay INSIDE a person’s body.

So there you have it. Short and sweet, partially because I don’t want to talk about, yet here I am forcing myself to write about it. Maybe it’s that I don’t handle medical emergencies in the best manner, not that losing a tooth is a medical emergency. Still involved losing a part of your body that should always, ALWAYS stay inside your body.

Tooth Fairy - The Rookie Dad

Over dinner, the wife and I are talking about what the “tooth fairy” is going to get my son after losing his tooth. We had no idea what the going rate for a tooth was/is because when we lost a tooth as a child, we either got a quarter or if were a lucky, a dollar.

Realizing that we were truly a modern family, we had no cash on hand only our debit cards and there was no way we were going to let him have at it with them. How was the “tooth fairy” going to get him the “money” in exchange for his tooth?

Why a late night trip to Walgreens to get some candy (because that’s all we need after this situation is some candy) and get some extra cash. The entire time I was cursing the Vikings and their stupid tradition of paying their children for their teeth. I was wondering why we couldn’t be more like Europeans, bury the tooth, and on the 6th tooth (and 6th tooth only in my book) slip the money under his pillow.

I’m wondering why hasn’t anyone else thought that it is odd that a fairy comes into your house at night, flys up to your child’s room while they are sleeping, get’s REALLY close to them in bed, lifts up their pillow and money exchanges hand. In my mind that is… well I won’t go there.

Anyway, if you can’t tell, I hate the tooth fairy… and the Vikings to that matter. However, if it encourages my son to lose his teeth, then, by all means, we will continue doing it. I look at it this way, the quicker he loses the teeth, the quicker we get over this whole losing teeth thing. And if you must know, he got two bucks and a toothbrush.

The going rate however according to VISA (because let’s have a Credit Card company take their time to find out the going rate for a mythological figure) is on average $3.70.

The Rookie Dad

The Rookie Dad is father of 2, husband, TV Producer, runner, and co-founder of Dads Round Table and a contributor to Traveling Dad and Good Men Project.

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