As I was cruising the interweb the other day I came across a blog on Babbleand it caught my attention since I had just blogged about getting the pressure from family to have another.
I won’t go deep into my beef with the post because it completely leaves out the other half of parenting, the Dad. As you are reading through it you will realize it is always talking about the mom, but where is the dad? It talks about how the traditional family of the mother staying home to take care of the kids is changing, but never once mentions that more and more fathers are staying home. That is a blog for another day.
Hot Mama and I have made the decision to stay with one child for the time being. As most of the comments from that post were coming in, they were telling us to stick to our guns. Which, I can happily say, we are! But does this decision make us selfish? Is the Kid going to grow up not knowing how to share and play well with others? More then likely, no, he is in day care so he does get the exposure to others and has learned to share, he will take the hat off my head run away with it and then bring it back to me.
This mother of one sums up the feelings of many who believe a singleton is right for them. To have one child she feels is “seen as selfish, because children are the ultimate sacrifice. Those of us who attempt to make the best of all aspects of our worlds are often seen as greedy because we want it all. I WANT and love my child more than anything, but I also WANT a career and I really WANT a happy marriage. Adding another child to our lives would directly affect two of the three things that have the greatest impact on my happiness quotient.”
Good for this mom! Raising one child is hard enough. Hot Mama and I pride ourselves on having a good marriage considering our differing schedules and not having a whole lot of time to ourselves. Having one more child could effect that and possibly make the lives of our children worse! Why would we want to do that to them? Right now, with the prospect of going back to school, another child would essentially kill that dream. It is going to be hard enough to go back so that we can provide a life for the Kid that we can’t provide right now.
The parents of onlies have not cornered the spoiling children market. In this culture of yes-parenting, with or without siblings, so many children are spoiled because parents can’t say no. Look around at children you know with siblings. They are as likely to be spoiled as those without, but society has been programmed to believe only children are more spoiled.
Thank god I didn’t say it! So many parents today say yes, and believe me since I’m the yes-parent in our house, it would only get worse with a second. I would give in more then I do now. Disciplining the Kid is already hard enough and teaching him “NO” is a difficult enough task right now that I could see myself just curling up in a corner and letting the kids have their way in the house.
Not only that, I don’t deal well with little sleep, and having two would scare me since, more then likely I wouldn’t have the energy to handle two. I would probably end up in a psych ward in a padded room asking for my Mommy. Or I would end up going loco running up and down my street in just my boxers, so see I’m saving my neighbors that sight.
Are onlies spoiled more, probably. I can say the Kid is, but will still learn to play well with others and have social skills. That is what we as parents are supposed to instill into our kids and not let them walk all over us, and I have a feeling with another, you might as well write “WELCOME” on my forehead!