Disappointment. It’s a strong word. Just typing the word out made my heard sink. When you look up the definition according to Google of the word is means: the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations
I have high expectations for the Rookie. I expect him to grow up and be a productive member of society. It is my responsibility as a father to teach him the skills that will take him to that point in life. I hope that he becomes the role model to other children in and out of the classroom. I hope that his behavior to be one that other parents are jealous of.
High expectations and hopes right?
I fully understand that it might be unrealistic of me to expect him to be that bright and shining child that I would like him to be. I know that he will have days much like the other day that led me to be extremely disappointed in him. I know that there will be times that my expectations are not met and my hopes are crushed.
Most of the time there is no reason for me to check in the Rookie during the day. But upon picking him up from school one day last week, I found out that he had spit at a child and hit a child. Obviously, this is not behavior that we have taught him or will tolerate. On the way home we were discussing what had happened at school that day and I told him…
“I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed.”
Suddenly, a wave of emotions came over me. I could see it in the Rookie too. He know what he was did and he knew that it was wrong. But, not only did my heart sink as soon as I simply said the word disappointment but, I felt like my parents. This is a statement that I am all too familiar with. My parents raised me on this statement. My grades in school were not what they expected because I never applied myself. That disappointed my parents. They knew that if I had just applied myself, I could have had straight A’s instead of B’s and a few C’s. At the time, disappointment never meant anything to me because I never really looked into the meaning of disappointment.
Now, I am a parent myself and telling the Rookie the same sayings that my parents told me. In fact, now, I feel disappointment inside of me. To be honest, it doesn’t feel good either. I don’t want to imagine what would make me feel worse than the feeling of disappointment. The word just seems to have some sort of stronger meaning. Whenever the Rookie acts up in school like he did that day, disappointment overtakes me. It makes me feel like a failure as a parent. I know that there is plenty of time for me to raise him to the hopes and expectations that I want him to be at.
I understand that the Rookie is only 4. The term disappointment means far less him now that what it did when my parents were telling me how disappointment they were in me as a teenager. There might be times I am disappointed in him and I might wonder where he is headed in some of the choices that he makes, but much like my parents, I know for almost certainty that I will be proud of where he will take his life.
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