It’s a hard life, very hard life. No matter how many times you wake up in the middle of the night, you wake up the next morning, and the smile on your 2-month-olds face makes everything better.
I can’t help sometimes but be a dad who is hard to his kids. I have high expectations for them. There are times when I forget that they are five years and 2 and half months old respectively.
I tend to use timeouts more than I should for it to be useful. My voice raises in anger from the mere fact that I end up stepping on a LEGO after the fourth time asking them to be picked up.
I get frustrated at not being able to sleep through the night entirely. I am 31 (close to 32) for Pete’s sake, and I’m waking up when someone else has to go to the bathroom. This shouldn’t be happening until I’m 65, and I should be the one going to the bathroom.
Discipline seems to be the most efficient way to get my point across, even though I know in the end, it does not work the way that it should, and my kids will end up doing the exact thing that they shouldn’t be doing all over again.
Yes, I’m a dad who is hard to his children.
I see myself in those moments, and I am not proud of who I have become as a father. I never wanted to be that dad. Raising my voice, timeouts, or throwing my hands in my face in sheer frustration wasn’t who I wanted to be. It is not even my style to do things like that. But here I am, that dad who elevates his voice points to timeouts, and sits on the couch wondering where I went wrong.
Yet, some moments make me look like the greatest father in the world, which I am not.
Like the moment the Rookie doesn’t want to sit down with great-grandpa to tell him about how his school is going resulted in an immediate timeout, in a different room. Harsh punishment, especially for a 5-year-old. But, it ended up with me walking into the room, sitting down with him, and asking him calmly why he didn’t want to talk about school.
Even though his argument still didn’t make sense to me, it did to him in is 5-year-old mind, I eventually compromised with him, and sure enough, he ended up talking to great-grandpa about school.
Looking at the nights that I am up either feeding or changing a diaper, I have been frustrated and sometimes even angry that I had to wake up. There might have been times that frustration set in, and I let Rookie #2 cry for a few minutes so I could attempt to catch some sleep.
While I might look back at those times and wonder what I was thinking or sometimes even doing, I realize that parenting isn’t always easy. It’s a hard life, very hard life. No matter how many times you wake up in the middle of the night, you wake up the next morning, and the smile on your 2-month-olds face makes everything better. Or watching your 5-year-old walk up to great-grandpa and talk to him about school makes you realize that you are not the worst parent in the world.