Unknown Olympic Event

“I’m Bob Costas and thank you for tuning into NBC’s coverage on the 2012 London Summer Games. We do not show you each and every event from the Olympics which many of you complain about, but tonight we thought we would take you to an event that is not shown on TV… or up until this point… Al Michaels take it away!”

“Hi everybody and welcome back to North Greenwich Arena here in London, the site of Gabby Douglas winning the Individual All-Around just a few nights ago. Tonight, however, it is a different event. One that not many think of as an Olympic sport. It is a sport in which an American is favored to win the gold. A sport which requires you to be a certain height and age and lots of flexibility. Crib Jumping!!”

“Never in my 35 years of broadcasting did I ever imagine that this sport would actually be in the Olympics, but it is here. The arena is full as the competition set between Great Britain’s Sir Poops Alot and Senior Cranky Pants from Mexico and the newly “Kid” from the USA. Elfi Schlegel joins me here in the booth and Elfi what are your thoughts on tonight’s competition?”

“Al, well this competition is going to be fierce. The Kid has been training for this one event his whole life and only made one appearance before this! But Sir Poops Alot and Cranky Pants have competed at the international level since the Beijing Olympics 4 years ago. It is going to be interesting how the Kid deals with all of this pressure.”

“Thank you, Elfi. First, Sir Poops Alot is up and lets watch him…”

“Well Al, my first thoughts on this are I am not sure how the judges will react to the human spine next to the crib but also it takes Poops Alot a ton of time to even make it out of the crib… depending on how the Kid and Cranky Pants react I do not think this will win the Gold?”

“Elfi thanks and you are right that human spine next to the crib is kind of strange… the judges score is coming down… and Poops Alot gets a 6! Which will probably put him at least getting a silver because next up is the international champion Senior Cranky Pants, who took the gold in Bejing.”

“WOW! Well first off Al, Senior Cranky Pants is really cranky during this run. I am sure the judges will not approve much of that… but it also takes Cranky a while to get out of the crib.”

“Elfi, I do not know but there might be a disqualification for the first time in Crib Escaping… it appears as if the judges are converging which is never a good sign… watching the replay we can clearly see that Cranky Pants is clearly upset during this entire run! The judges have made their decision and it is disqualification because of unsportsman like conduct! WOW!”

“Al, you just can not pull this stuff in the Olympics! But what a major break for the Kid! Who now has an excellent chance of winning the gold!”

“It comes down to this! How will the Kid respond, lets just watch and see!”


“Al, that was a major jump by the Kid right there! I can not believe it! The Kid made his first competitive appearance tonight and the pressure did not phase him at all! His form, the dismount! Everything just went right for the Kid! If the judges do not give him atleast 8’s I will be surprised!”

“Well lets see what the judges give him… he gets a 9.5!!!! The Kid wins the Gold in Crib Escaping! Who would have thought! Let us take it down the floor to see what the Kid has to say!”

“Kid, you just won the gold in an event that you just performed one time before this, what do you have to say for yourself?”

“Mommy! Daddy!”

“WOW simply WOW! That is all I can say, Will we see you in Rio in four years?”


“Congratulations Kid!”

“I can not believe it! I almost can not contain myself! Bob we are going to have to take it back to you before I start jumping around the booth with all of this excitement!”

“Thank you Al and be sure to contain yourself there! We want to see you calling hockey games for us in 2 years. Simply Amazing! Who would have thought that the Kid could have earned a gold tonight! But luck went his way and that is all you need here in the Olympics.”

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